What if being likable is the very thing keeping you underpaid?

And exactly why “being approachable” is repelling the premium clients you crave

I used to think being likable was the secret to being successful.

Like many women, I had been conditioned to believe that if I was kind, agreeable, and polished enough, clients would feel drawn to me and then, naturally, they’d buy.

My content was always professional, always safe, always… digestible.

It wasn’t that I lacked skill or results. I had worked with incredible clients, built offers that delivered transformation, and knew how to write.

But there was a lingering fear in everything I posted: the fear of being too much. Too opinionated. Too visible. Too bold.

I’d reread every caption ten times before hitting publish, constantly running my words through a mental filter: “Will people like this?” or “Will I sound arrogant?” or “Is this soft enough?”

And so I stayed polished. Pleasant. Performative.

I was respected, sure, but only in the way that’s just enough to get a like or a “so true 💕” comment.

Not enough to drive premium clients to take action.
Not enough to magnetize the kind of self-led, high-frequency clients I really wanted.
Not enough to be seen as the one to work with.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I had built a brand rooted in people-pleasing, and it was costing me real authority, resonance, and income.

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Why most women are playing a losing game with their visibility

This is not just my story. It’s a social script that’s deeply ingrained in most high-achieving women: be nice, be humble, be likable.

We internalize this belief that the more liked we are, the safer and more successful we’ll be.

So when it comes time to grow our business, especially in the online space, we bring that same conditioning into our content.

We teach instead of lead.
We over-explain instead of take a stance.
We aim for relatability instead of resonance.
We want to be liked, not remembered.

And here’s what that creates:
→ Audiences that cheer you on but never buy.
→ Clients who love your vibe but don’t respect your boundaries.
→ Content that’s “nice” but not activating to premium clients.
→ A brand that’s safe but also… overlooked.

It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong. You’re just using likability to build what actually requires leadership.

And leadership requires a backbone.

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The moment it clicked: Why I actually hired coaches

One day, after hiring yet another premium coach to help me evolve my business, I asked myself: “What was it that made me trust her enough to invest thousands without hesitation?”

It wasn’t because she was likeable (to be honest, most of them rubbed me the wrong way at first, precisely because they challenged my status quo).
It wasn’t because she was “motivating and empowering”.
And it wasn’t even because she felt “relatable.”

It was because she told the truth.

She named exactly where I was stuck. She challenged the story I was telling myself. She had a strong perspective, and stood behind it unapologetically.

Her content didn’t seek approval… It sought impact. And that’s what made me feel safe investing.

The irony? I had been scared to post bold, opinionated content in fear of being unfollowed. Meanwhile, the only reason I hired my coaches was because they weren’t afraid to tell the truth I didn’t want to hear.

They were focused on helping me grow, even if that meant saying the uncomfortable thing. They basically had backbone.

And that backbone is what made me trust them.

I didn’t want to hire someone who would coddle me. I wanted someone who could hold me to my highest potential and next level standards, even when I was resisting it. (or especially then!) Someone who would tell me the truth about why I was stuck.

Because the truth is this:

People don’t pay premium prices for pleasantries.
They pay for perspective shifts.
They pay for clarity they can’t get on their own.
They pay for someone who sees through their excuses and calls them forward anyway.

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The psychology behind why this works

This dynamic is rooted in something called authority bias: a cognitive bias where people tend to attribute more trust and credibility to those who speak with certainty, clarity, and presence.

The human brain is wired to seek safety in leadership.

When you speak with conviction, clients feel safe.
When you share a bold perspective, you become memorable.
When you illuminate the truth of someone’s situation (even if it stings a little) you build deep, immediate trust.

That’s why “call-out” or “gap illumination” content is so magnetic for high-level clients!

It’s not that you’re being mean.
You’re being honest and you’re saying what no one else has had the courage to say out loud.

And that’s exactly what activates premium clients.

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Let’s see it in action

Let me give you some real before-and-after examples of how this shows up in brand messaging:

Before (people-pleasing tone):

"You’re doing your best, and there’s no one right way to grow your brand. It’s all about finding what feels good and staying consistent."

This sounds nice. But it doesn’t spark action or authority. There’s no insight, no tension, and nothing to disrupt the reader’s current (possibly ineffective) behavior.

After (Bold, Backbone-Powered Message):

"If your content sounds like everyone else’s in your niche, that’s not strategy—it’s survival mode. You’re afraid that sharing your TRUE opinions and stories will attract negative attention, so you water it down. And survival mode doesn’t attract premium clients. It attracts burnout."

See the difference? Still rooted in care. But now it leads. It positions. It polarizes in a way that elevates.

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Being “likeable” attracts the wrong clients

When your content is overly soft, vague, or people-pleasing, it might feel safe to post, but it often attracts clients who:

• Need hand-holding

• Resist accountability

• Expect you to “fix” them

• Question your prices

• Ghost after discovery calls

• Constantly overstep your boundaries

Meanwhile, the clients you actually want—the self-led, powerful, invested ones—are turned off by content that lacks backbone.

They’re not looking for a coach who seems like she’d tiptoe around hard truths.

They’re looking for someone who respects them enough to tell them the truth, no matter how much it stings!

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What happens when you start telling the truth

The moment I started sharing stronger, bolder, more truthful content, everything shifted:

• My sales increased because people felt trust in my coaching before we ever got on a call.

• My inbox filled with messages that said “Oooff, I needed to hear this. I’d love to work on shifting it. How can we do this?”

• The caliber of clients I was working with shifted from those who needed lots of accountability and hand-holding, to those who are self-led and excited to implement asap!

• My brand started to feel like me, the fully expressed version. I no longer had a blocked Throat chakra from holding back what I really wanted to say.

What I’ve learned is this:
Being respected for your truth is more profitable, and more fulfilling, than being liked for a watered down version of you.

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How to apply this to your own brand

If you’re ready to stop attracting clients who drain you, and start magnetizing premium clients who respect you, it starts with how you position yourself.

Here are three questions to shift your messaging instantly:

1. Am I speaking to my clients’ truth of the matter, or just their comfort?
   Don’t just empathize. Illuminate. Show them what they’re not seeing.

2. Is this message bold enough to polarize?
   If it’s not strong enough to repel the very people who are not a fit for your work, it’s probably not strong enough to attract the dreamy clients either.

3. Would I hire me based on this post?
   Read your content through the eyes of your future premium client. Does it signal clarity, leadership, and results?

If not, it’s time to write with a stronger backbone.

So here’s your permission to stop asking “Will they like this?”
And start asking “Will this move them?”

That shift changed everything for me. It will change everything for you too.

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P.S. If you’re ready to shift your brand from “likeable expert” to magnetic authority, this is exactly what we do inside Brand Rising. We create magnetic messaging rooted in Human Design, soft power, and bold storytelling so you can lead with conviction and attract clients who rise to meet you.

xo Iva G.